Home Sweet Home

Now that I've been home for two weeks I'm finally concluding this blog! Sorry for the delay.

The last week in the Philippines was quite a struggle for me. I felt excited and preoccupied with going home and lost my focus on ministry. I didn't spend adequate time in the Word and I felt it so poignantly when I tried to wrap up the bible studies I had been leading while there. I felt so dry from not connecting with the Lord and I felt like I was trudging through the lessons I had previously taught with passion. I came away feeling like I had let down the Filipinos who were under my care. After reflecting on that last week I have realized two things. If I am ever to persevere in ministry I must constantly seek the Spirit's guidance and empowerment. The minute I stray to relying on my own strength, I will fail. The second truth I learned is how much missionaries and church leaders need our prayers for perseverance sustained by their own vibrant walk with the Lord.

When we finally made it back to the US we arrived at SEND's headquarters in Detroit for a day and a half of debriefing. Although the sessions held from 8-3 each day were meant to be helpful I had a terrible bout of jet lag and felt that most of my focus went in to keeping my eyes open. I wanted to sleep during the day and for the first time in my life I found myself laying awake all night. By the time SEND dropped me at the Detroit airport to fly back to O'Hare where my family would pick me up, I was on the verge of becoming a full-fledged basketcase. When my checked bag was a few pounds overweight, I nearly tried to put my toiletries into my carry-on bag, only to catch myself at the last minute. My flight was delayed for about a half hour and when we finally boarded the plane, we sat on the runway for another two hours waiting for O'Hare to give us clearance. When the pilot finally made the announcement that we would be leaving at 6, I called Mom and couldn't even get out the news without bursting into tears like a two year old who missed her nap. This outburst caught the attention of the stewardess and a dear elderly woman sitting next to me who proceeded to tell me about her world-wide travels the entire rest of the flight. When we finally touched down, I had a terrible pain in my neck from maintaining eye contact with the elderly woman who was chatting with me (or rather to me) but I was overjoyed to almost be home! Our white Plymouth Town and Country minivan was never such a welcomed sight.

Since making it safely back to Roanoke, IL I have been helping Mom decorate the new house, enjoying Ken's company (he drove up a week after I got back), and wrestling through much of what I saw and experienced.

At this point I don't know if the Lord will call us to further missions work, but I do know that I want to be doing whatever He desires. If He calls us to the mission field, we will go. I am convinced that we will find true joy and fulfillment only by obedience to God's leading. He knows better than I do what I need and truly want.

If we remain in the U.S., I fear growing comfortable and complacent as middle class Evangelical Christians. I fear feeling self-sufficient and rendering faith a mere Christian word rather than a stark reality. I'm asking the Lord how to fight this. I think one way is to give beyond the acceptable 10% to the Lord's work and learn to make room for God to show off in His often suprising provision.

I want to thank you all for your prayers and financial support and genuine interest in the Lord's work in Baguio this summer. I feel so privileged to be a part of His work across the world and I pray that my life will more closley reflect His Son's as a result. I asked Ken if He has noticed any change in me since coming back and after thinking for a bit he said with a smile, "I think your faith is stronger."

I praise you Lord for increasing my faith and making me more fit to serve you in the future! May you receive great glory from my life as I live constantly looking foward to your return and great redemption. I praise you for the work you did in the lives of the Filipinos. May you sustain and complete what you have begun. Thank you for making me a part of your plan of redemption. Though I am often faithless, you remain faithful.

May God prove Himself the same in each of your lives.